Being a Best Friend

Many times people have commented to my sister and I that we look like twins, even though we are three and a half years apart. Or they have admired how close we are. This blog post is being dedicated to my sister Melissa, as a little present for her upcoming birthday. It is about the love it takes to be a best friend and have a best friend. Yes, my husband is also my best friend, but being married for only three years, I won’t pretend to know all there is about marriage. But being a sister for 37 years, I am more versed in this area and wanted to share what I have learned about being a best friend to my sister.

Love. It is what God said is the greatest of these in 1 Corinthians 13:13 – "So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love."  When I think of what it takes to be a best friend, many traits come to mind. This blog will focus on one aspect – love. And when I think of what it takes to be a best friend, my sister demonstrates love in so many ways and in various forms.

I remember waiting anxiously in the hospital for her birth. I was given a pack of Bubble Yum and was almost as excited about getting to chew that huge gum. Not only was I getting a baby sister that day, but a lifelong best friend. About ten years later, when we were in the middle school years, I remember we were arguing about something and I said, “We can either keep arguing with each other or be best friends.” We chose best friends. Loving someone and being best friends is a choice and one that has to be made often. It's a good thing we made that choice too because soon after that we had another sister join us, one that is also our best friend today, along with our younger brother and they in turn both became best friends for us and for each other!

Back to my sister, Melissa. Even though she’s younger, she is the more outgoing one and has taught me how to be more outgoing and social over the years. At times, I would encounter social anxiety in certain settings, to the point where I would develop a nauseous headache. When I talked in front of others, whether in a small group setting or presenting to large crowds, I would get so nervous and one thing I would do was not move my upper lip while talking. My sister showed me love by practicing with me and teaching me how to watch my mouth, ask questions and be an active listener in social settings. This past year I attended some professional development training about being an active listener and when we practiced in pairs, my partner would comment about how well I listened. When I now present to my colleagues within my school and district settings, I am sure to smile and not let my nerves get the best of me (or my lip!).

My sister shows me love through wanting the best for me. I was single for a long time and she helped me stay strong and wait on God’s timing for the right man. When she got married, it was a huge life adjustment for me. Our best friend dynamic changed, as it should, but we changed with it. When she became a mom, again our best friend dynamic changed, as it should, but we changed with it. When I got married, the dynamic changed once again, as it should, but I know she still wants the best for me. She has allowed me to be so close to her daughters and I was able to experience so many of their daily life moments. When I got married, she helped with so many details, even though she was pregnant at the time. When I found out I was most likely not going to be able to have a biological baby, she volunteered to be a surrogate. No matter the life circumstances, she wants the best for me, as I do for her.

It takes a strong person to unselfishly love another person. Love without selfish ambition or jealousy. When someone is vulnerable to being a best friend, it is easy to be let down or hurt. That’s where love comes in. When a best friend truly knows that love is at the forefront of one’s actions and words, the negative tendencies we have as humans can be overcome. I have had friends stop being my friend which sometimes left me wondering what was wrong with me. Sometimes we have friends who we hope will be for a lifetime, but ends up being for a season and most times for a reason. Sometimes we have friends who we realized weren’t true friends or have used us. Or get jealous and speak ill of us. There are so many bad aspects that can take place in friendships that it can make it hard to trust others and be vulnerable. But when both friends choose to love as God loves and understands how the other person is trying to love as God loves, it can heal the heart and give new strength to opening up to new friendships.

Since my sister and I are so vulnerable with each other, we have our share of disagreements and are by no means a perfect representation of unconditional love. But when we do have a disagreement, we are usually quite saddened and want to remedy it as quickly as possible. Sometimes we take a step back, sometimes we need a breather, and sometimes we have to see the other sister’s perspective. This takes honesty and self-reflection. Through loving words, we come to reconciliation, forgiveness and move on with better knowledge about how to best love the other one in the future.

How does she best love me? It’s mostly in the day to day little things of life. She listens to things I have to get off my chest and remembers details that help her give me advice. She will come over early to help decorate or set up an event I might be hosting. She will text and ask if I need anything at the store since she’s stopping there. If she finds a great deal on something, she will buy an extra one for me. She puts thought into my birthday plans each year. She writes meaningful and funny notes. She supports career decisions and validates what I do. She helps plan family events so that we can stay close. All out of love.

I told my sister that our friendship and knowing I have a best friend in her no matter what makes it possible for me to invest in others, no matter how long that friendship will last.

For me, I’m lucky my best friend is my sister. I know this isn’t possible in all lives. But it is possible to have a best friend who is like a sister. All it takes is love. Love really can conquer so many things. And I love that God gave me this best friend 37 years ago.